


A Love Story In Reverse

by LilLeif



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Barebacking, Break Up, Established Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Hand Jobs, Hurt Stiles, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, maybe a sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 14:28:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3450500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilLeif/pseuds/LilLeif
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It begins with the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Love Story In Reverse

My vision blurred and I angrily swiped at my eyes, trying to catch the tears before they fell. “So this is it then? You’re just going to end things because you can’t handle it anymore?”  
Derek looked like his jaw would snap if he clenched it any harder. “This is the way it has to be.”  
“No, it doesn’t. You just don’t want to get hurt again.” I yelled at him. He was so afraid of losing people that he wouldn’t let anyone near him. I had managed to break through his walls but he was pushing me away again and I was letting him. I couldn’t be the one doing all the work in this relationship. I was always the one who made the move, never Derek.  
“Stiles don’t you get it? You were in a coma for a week. Because of me! You’ll always be a target. I don’t want to be the reason you get hurt again.” His eyes flashed blue before he managed to get himself under control.  
“What about what I want? Don’t I get any say in this?” I asked. I’ll be the first to admit that jumping between two fighting Alphas was dumb, but Derek had been hurt and I’d managed to kill the enemy Alpha anyway.  
Derek looked at me like I was stupid.  
“No.” I almost laughed. Of course he was acting like I was the ridiculous one here.  
I slumped onto his couch, all the fight drained out of me. It was obvious Derek didn’t want the hassle anymore. Despite all the good times we’d had. He’d become happier when I was around. He smiled, for fuck’s sake. I understood that watching someone you loved get hurt was hard, but I was unwilling to agree with his logic that I would be safer away from him.  
I was horrified to feel hot tears stream down my face. And I was making these awful little noises. It felt like I couldn’t breathe.  
Derek pulled me into his arms, probably for the last time. “I know.” Was all he said. He rubbed my back and I buried my face in his chest, inhaling his familiar scent. We would never be this close again.  
I would never wake up to him slipping into my bed after a long night patrolling. He would never kiss me and put everything he was feeling into it. I would never be able to run my fingers through his hair. I could never tell him how I truly felt.  
Everything that we’d fought for felt like such a waste. I almost wish I’d never kissed him that first time.  
My tears finally stopped. I shoved away from Derek and stormed out of his house, slamming the door behind me. I drove home maybe a little too quickly and a little too recklessly. I pretended not to hear the mournful howling behind me. I kept my eyes focused on the road and pushed everything else out of my mind. 

***

I heard the snarling and pushed myself harder to get to the clearing in time. I passed the circle of trees and saw the two of them fighting. The unknown Alpha and Derek. It was fascinating to watch for a moment. The viciousness of both of them, the way their bodies moved in almost perfect counterpoint.  
I shook my head to clear it and focused on the task at hand. I had only one shot at this and I had to make sure Derek didn’t get in the way. I pulled the wolfsbane-laced knife out of my pocket and held it close to my side.  
Derek wasn’t looking good and I knew I had to help him finish this. I saw my opening and I took it.  
Derek was sprawled back on the ground and the other Alpha was getting ready to deliver a killing blow. I raced forward and stabbed the knife into the Alpha’s side. He roared and turned to snarl at me.  
“Stiles!” I heard Derek yell and then I was flying through the air. I hit a tree, hard, and everything began to get fuzzy for me.  
There was a loud roar and then a thump that I felt reverberate through my body. Footsteps came racing over to me and I felt hands trace down my body.  
“Stiles, what have you done?” he asked.  
I didn’t have the energy to talk but I managed to meet his eyes. Those beautiful eyes that I could stare into for days. My vision started going black around the edges and then I was drifting for a while.  
For a while I heard nothing. It was quiet and dark and peaceful. I felt safe here, like nothing bad could happen while I was here. Then voices began to penetrate the darkness. Unfamiliar voices at first and then the voices of people I loved. They sounded far away and I couldn’t make out what they were saying but I knew I had to make it back to them.  
I drifted for a little while longer and then I heard someone else speaking. They were speaking lowly and I couldn’t make it out at first but the more I strained the clearer they got, like I’d turned up the volume on a TV.  
“…want you back. Please. Why do you have to be such an idiot?” There was a laugh that sounded halfway to a sob.  
“The doctors aren’t sure when you’ll wake up. They say you could wake up whenever you wanted to. So now… we’re all waiting on you. Please wake up soon, Stiles.”  
The voice stopped and I wanted to scream. I wanted to leave this place right now. Then I saw something in the darkness. The darkness seemed to let up for a second in one spot. I tried to move my body to get closer, but it wasn’t until I wished myself over there that I appeared there.  
It seemed to be some type of door to somewhere. I knew that it was my ticket out of here. I tried to beat against it and then remembered the part about wishing. I wished for the door to open and then wished for myself to be on the other side of it.  
My eyes opened. 

***

“If you don’t want to do it just tell me, ok? You never tell me things anymore, and then I’m left guessing.” I told him.  
“Fine.” Was all Derek had to say.  
I rolled my eyes and began gathering my things. “Whatever. Show up if you want to. I know parties aren’t really your thing but I would appreciate it if you were there.”  
Derek barely acknowledged that I’d said anything. He was still absorbed in those fucking maps. Like he didn’t already know where each and every one of the tunnels under his old house were.  
I had gathered all my things and hesitated beside him. He felt me standing there and looked up at me with an irritated expression on his face.  
I quickly leaned down and kissed him before he could say anything. He was stiff at first but then responded. His hand came up and curled into my hair. I pulled away because I couldn’t be around him when he was like this, even if he still kissed like a god.  
“Bye, Derek.” I said as I left, and it felt more final than anything I’d ever said before. 

***

He shoved me up against the door hard. We both knew that this time was going to be rough. Things had been awful between us for a while now. We could hardly talk without getting into an argument of some kind. Maybe a little bit of hate sex would help us burn through some of the aggression.  
I bit hard on his lip, getting a taste of blood before the cut healed again. He growled low in his throat and roughly cupped me through my pants. I was already hard as fuck.  
Derek pulled his mouth away from mine and began sucking at my neck. It hurt a little, but the noises I was making only spurred him on. His hands went to the hem of my shirt and yanked it over my head. He yanked me further into the room and threw me on the bed.  
He pulled his clothes off as quickly as possible. He was completely naked before I’d managed to get my jeans and boxers even half off. He helped take them off the rest of the way, the muscles in his arms and shoulders flexing. God, he was so gorgeous.  
He crouched over me and kissed me roughly. I scratched his shoulders, feeling the marks heal almost as soon as I made them.  
I was surrounded by his scent and it made me think of safety and happiness, but lately it had started stressing me out a little. I pushed these thoughts out of my head and focused on the now, which happened to be a very naked Derek.  
I flipped us over and slid down his chest, pausing to bite at his nipples. When I took his cock in hand, Derek hissed a breath through his teeth.  
I licked up his shaft and he fisted a hand in my hair. “Don’t fucking tease me, Stiles.” His eyes looked a little wild, like he was barely restraining his wolf.  
I put my mouth over him and almost choked when he thrusted into my mouth. I relaxed my throat and took him all the way down to the base. “Fuck, you’re so good at that.” Derek moaned.  
He fucked my face for a bit before he pulled me off and brought me up to kiss me deeply. Then he was flipping us over and pulling me onto my hands and knees. I heard him fumble around on the dresser for the lube. I was so ready to be fucked. I needed this.  
Derek poured some lube on my ass and then was pushing it in with two thick fingers. I gasped and pushed back on them. “Always so ready to get fucked.” I heard him murmur behind me.  
I had never really been into dirty talk before Derek. I’d found it distracting, but hearing him say such naughty things in that voice did things to me.  
I heard the slick noise of him rubbing his cock and then a moment later I felt his head pushing insistently at my hole. I relaxed and he didn’t stop until his hips hit my ass. I felt incredibly full. Derek had been gifted with a huge dick and it never failed to astound me that I could take it all. “Fuuuck.” Derek moaned.  
He pulled back a little and then quickly pushed back in. I got down on my elbows which changed the angle a bit. I almost choked when his dick nudged against my prostate.  
He began fucking me roughly, pulling out almost all the way before slamming back in. His fingers were gripping my hips tightly and I knew I’d have bruises later. At the moment, I was too caught up in all the sensations to concentrate much on that.  
Derek was mumbling filthy things in my ear and it was getting to me. Then he was reaching around and pumping my almost painfully hard cock. He suddenly bit down hard on my shoulder and I came violently. I managed to keep myself upright as Derek pounded into me erratically once, twice, three times more and then he was cumming with a roar.  
I gasped when he pulled out of my still over-sensitized body. He fell on his side and pulled me against him. We were both breathing hard and I felt the most tired I had been in a while.  
Derek nuzzled against my neck and the scratchiness of his stubble was almost too much. “I love you.” He said against my skin.  
I turned over slightly and looked him in the eyes. They were calm now and lazy looking. “I love you, too.” He leaned forward and kissed me. It was a really awkward angle for me so the kiss didn’t last long. I turned away and allowed myself to settle in his arms. 

***

The sword swung down and I felt it dig deeply into my thigh. All the breath left my lungs as pain blew through my body. The faerie grinned and pulled the sword back, probably going for the killing blow. I scrambled away as well as I could with a cut open leg. Like seriously, I’m pretty sure you could see bone there.  
Suddenly a hand emerged through the faerie’s chest. The hand pulled out and the creature fell to the ground, dead as a doornail.  
Derek in beta form stood behind him, holding the faerie’s bloody heart. I could almost smell his rage. “What the fuck are you doing here, Stiles?”  
“I thought you could use my help.” I said weakly. Was there supposed to be that much blood leaking out of my leg? Actually gushing would probably be a better word to use in this case. I’d been injured worse than this before, I just couldn’t quite remember when.  
“When are you going to start listening to me?” Derek growled as he pulled off his shirt and tied it in a tourniquet above the cut on my thigh. I would’ve been more interested about how close his hands were to my dick and the shirtless situation, but I wasn’t sure if there was enough blood left in me to get a boner.  
Then I was being lifted in Derek’s arms. “So manly.” I joked.  
Derek rolled his eyes, but I could see his lips twitch slightly upwards.  
“I know you’re, like, super pissed at me, but could you just be the supportive boyfriend before I pass out?” I asked him, seeing the black encroaching on my vision.  
Derek sighed. “I’m giving you an earful as soon as you’re conscious.”  
“This is why I love you.” I said just before darkness took over. 

 

Things were mostly quiet except for the heart monitor tracking my heart rate. The room was dim, the only light coming from the street lamp outside my window.  
“You’re awake.” A voice said from the chair in the corner.  
I jumped. “Jesus, Derek. Give a guy a warning next time instead of scaring the shit out of me.”  
Derek got up and moved closer to the bed. “They had to give you two bags of blood. You smell like a stranger. Do you ever think things through, Stiles?”  
I studied the ceiling to avoid his eyes. “I know that you think now that we’re dating you can order me around, but I’ve been jumping into shit feet first long before you were around and I’ve always made it out ok.”  
“It’s different now. People know you’re important to me and they’ll take advantage of that.” Derek argued.  
I turned my head and looked at him. Derek looked tense and angry. “I want to feel like I’m helping. I may not be a werewolf but I can still help.”  
“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Derek finally admitted. I knew he cared about me, I just didn’t know why he had such a hard time talking about his feelings. It probably had something to do with the fact that he had lived alone in the house his whole family had died in for months.  
“I know. Think about it this way: if I can just be next to you when something bad happens instead of sneaking after you, you’d be able to keep a better eye on me.” I took his hand while I was talking. I brought it up to my lips and pressed a kiss against his knuckles.  
He didn’t say anything so I added “Derek, I love you, but this won’t work if you keep trying to control me like this.”  
Derek sighed. He leaned down and pressed his lips against my forehead. I breathed in his scent instead of the nasty hospital smell.  
“We’ll talk about this later, ok?” he said. I knew he didn’t like it, but hopefully he was considering my words.  
“Someone is coming. I’ll see you later.” He said and kissed my mouth for a moment and then left via the window. The hardness in his voice told me we would probably not get anywhere in our fight. And I was so tired of fighting. 

***

“Derek you can’t keep me out of this. It’s my fight too. My dad almost got killed by these fuckers.” I couldn’t help my voice from growing louder.  
We were dealing with yet more supernatural beings, some weird foreign demons. It seemed like we would never get a break. And Derek wasn’t helping anything by being an ass about my involvement in it all.  
“You’re only human. You can’t protect yourself like the others can.” He argued. “You can help with the research but I won’t let you fight.”  
“I know I’m not as strong but if you would just train me to fight I could-“  
“No. I’ll teach you how to get away from things but not how to fight.”  
Why did he have to be such a dick? I turned and went to the front door and started pulling on my sneakers.  
“Where are you going?” he asked, following me.  
“Home. I can’t talk to you anymore.” I said, angrily double-knotting my shoe-laces.  
“But I made dinner.” Derek said quietly. He sounded a little lost, and I almost reconsidered, but I steeled myself against him.  
“Bye Derek.” I said, shoving his door open and walking out. 

 

I didn’t talk to Derek for five days. That was the longest we’d not talked to each other since the beginning of our relationship. I missed him, but he was being stupid.  
Scott had been giving me sympathetic looks since I’d told him about the fight. He’d been at my apartment more often because he knew I’d been moping.  
Ok, maybe I should’ve texted Derek or went and saw him, but my pride wouldn’t let me. He was the one who was causing problems. Every time I tried to compromise he wouldn’t even hear it.  
I decided to go out and get some food since I’d mostly stayed inside the last five days. I got dressed, made myself look presentable and slipped into my Jeep.  
I was thinking about what kind of fast food I wanted when I realized I was in front of Derek’s apartment building. Apparently my subconscious really wanted me to make up with Derek.  
I sighed and turned off my Jeep. I used the key he’d given me to get into the building and walked up the stairs to his apartment.  
I wasn’t sure if I should knock or just open the door when it opened before I could make a decision.  
Derek was on the other side and the minute his eyes met mine I forgave him. He opened his mouth to say something but I jumped on him and began kissing him.  
“God, I’ve missed you.” I said against his mouth. My hands were holding his face and his hands were on my waist.  
We kissed for a few more moments before Derek pulled away and shut the door. “I made food if you want some.” He said.  
“Yes, please. I don’t think I’ve eaten real food in days.” I said, and wrapped an arm around his waist and walked with him to the kitchen. I couldn’t stop touching him. I wanted all of him at that moment. Everything he could give me. Fighting was stupid. We’d figure something out.  
We hadn’t even finished dinner when I couldn’t stand it any longer. I kept catching him watching me, and he’d get these little shy smiles that drove me crazy. I stood up, my chair almost falling over and walked to his side of the table. I grabbed his face and turned it up to mine and then we were kissing again. I forgot how much I liked kissing him.  
Then he was standing up and pushing me over to the bed. We somehow managed to get all our clothes off just as we reached the bed. We fell onto it. He wrapped his hand around my cock and pumped me slowly. I moaned in his mouth.  
“Fuck, I love the sounds you make, Stiles.” Derek sounded breathless.  
Derek kissed his way down my chest, leaving love bites as he went along. He kissed the thin skin of my thighs and then moved up to my hip. I’d been hard before we’d started, but now I was leaking precome and I knew I wasn’t going to last long.  
“Don’t tease.” I managed to gasp out. Derek gave me a wicked smile before he swallowed my cock whole. My breath whooshed out of me. It had been way too long since we’d last done this.  
I reached down and ran my fingers through his hair as he began to bob up and down. He took me to the base every time he went down and I could feel his throat constrict around me.  
It didn’t take long before I was on the edge. “Derek.” I gasped out. He looked up and his eyes met mine and I was cumming. Things went a little fuzzy for a while. When I managed to come to Derek was leaning over me and kissing me deeply. I reached down and wrapped my hand around his on his cock and started jerking him in time to our kissing.  
Soon he was thrusting his hips into my hand and then I felt warmth all over my stomach. Derek made a low moan and then collapsed onto me.  
“Best makeup sex ever.” I managed to say after a few moments. Derek let out a small laugh. I ran my hands up and down his back and then snuggled in deeper to his chest. He shifted so that he was lying with his head on my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair and he made a happy sounding noise.  
We laid like that for a while before I fell asleep. I only woke up when Derek was running a warm, damp wash cloth over me and then I fell asleep again. 

***

I hated this day. I felt like a child again. I could hardly bring myself to get out of bed, but I knew my mom wouldn’t want me wallowing in sadness so I managed to get my ass in the shower. After my shower I went to the store and picked up ingredients for chocolate chip cookies.  
By the time I got home it’s lunch time so I made myself some ramen noodles before I started cooking the cookies.  
It’s quiet in my apartment, even the annoying dog from the next apartment over was quiet for once.  
I made about three dozen cookies before I started crying. It’d been almost ten years but it still hurt. I missed my mom all the time. Not as much now, but it still hurt when I saw Scott’s mom hug him or do something nice for him. Not that she doesn’t treat me like her own son, but it’s just not the same.  
I wiped away the tears and put the cookies in Tupperware containers to give to my friends. I never ate any of the cookies myself.  
There’s a knock on the door. Everyone knew I liked to spend today by myself. Frowning, I answered the door and was slightly surprised to see Derek standing there.  
“What are you doing here?” I asked him.  
“You weren’t- hey are you ok?” he asked me. He could probably smell the sadness rolling off of me in waves. And my face was probably still blotchy and tear-stained from my earlier cry.  
I wiped at my face. “Uh, I’m fine.” I managed. I was kind of glad he was here but also a little embarrassed by the way I looked.  
He stepped into my apartment and closed the door behind him. He took my wrist and waited until I looked into his eyes. “You can tell me anything. You know that right?”  
I hesitated for a moment. I didn’t want Derek to feel like he had to stay and cheer me up. I got a little sad on this day but the next day I’m always able to wear a smile again.  
“My mom… she died almost ten years ago today.” I didn’t look at him when I said it. He drew me into a hug and didn’t say anything for a little while. His hand rubbed soothingly up and down my back and I started to cry again.  
And I realized that Derek understands, probably more than anyone else. After all, almost his entire family died all at once.  
I buried my face in his chest and I was so grateful he’s here. He muttered things and I started to relax and eventually stopped crying.  
“Feel better?” he asked.  
“Much.” I replied. I pulled away to go wash my face. When I’m done I gave him a lingering kiss before I pulled him to the couch.  
“Is it ok if we just watch movies right now?” I asked him, looking into his eyes.  
They softened and he cupped my cheek. “Of course.” I gave him another kiss and put on a movie and then cuddled with him on the couch.  
I didn’t realize how much nicer Derek made the day until we’re both almost asleep. “Thank you so much for today, Derek.” I whispered. He kissed the back of my neck and then nuzzled against it. Which is more of an answer than anything he could say with words.  
“I love you.” I said as I was on the edge of sleep.  
“I love you, too.” 

***

It was quiet in his apartment. Normally, Derek would’ve greeted me at the door with a kiss or called out to me to tell me where he was. He’d texted me to come at this time though. Maybe he had a surprise planned?  
I walked into his living room and saw him asleep on the couch. And it was the most adorable thing I’d ever seen because he had a tiny kitten snuggled into his neck. He must have agreed to foster the kitten, which is probably what he wanted to show me. He might deny it to the end of hid days, but inside Derek was a big old softy.  
I couldn’t help the huge smile that stretched my face. I used the camera on my phone to take a picture and set it as my background before I walked around the couch and knelt next to him. Derek still hadn’t woken up. He must have been really tired because I hadn’t exactly been quiet.  
The kitten was on the side of his neck next to the back of the couch so I nuzzled into the side of his neck closest to me and breathed in his scent. He stirred a bit but didn’t wake up.  
I began kissing and biting and sucking on his neck lightly. It wasn’t until I eased his shirt up and started tracing his abs that he opened his eyes.  
“Hello, Stiles.” He said when he saw it was me.  
“You look so cute right now.” I grinned and he snorted.  
“Thanks.”  
“I think I’m in love with you.” I said half-joking. I’d been wanting to say it for a few days and this just seemed like a good time. He was all sleep mussed and he looked completely relaxed.  
His eyes got a little wide and then he was leaning towards me and kissing me.  
“Finally.” He said when he pulled away.  
“What do you mean, finally?”  
“I’ve been wondering how long it would take you to say it.” He said with a huge smirk on his face.  
I felt my cheeks heat up and then he was kissing me again. I heard a tiny mewl and laughed when I saw the kitten hanging on for deal life to Derek’s shirt. I detached it from his shirt and brought it over to the nest of blankets Derek had lying near his bed. The kitten curled up and was soon fast asleep again.  
I moved back over to the couch where Derek was sitting up and straddled his legs.  
He put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. We kissed for a few intense moments before I put my hand on his chest and pulled away.  
“Aren’t you going to say it back?” I asked.  
He rolled his eyes and pushed me onto my back on the couch. He pulled my shirt off and started kissing down my neck to my chest. I was so distracted with the way he was sucking a hickey right above my waistband that I didn’t hear him say it at first.  
“What?” I asked a little breathlessly.  
He murmured it again into my skin and I missed it again. “Sorry. Still didn’t get it.”  
He surged up and said it against my mouth. Then he kissed to my ear and said it again. I shuddered as his lips moved against the sensitive skin there.  
“I love you so much, Stiles.” 

***

“If you don’t fuck me in the next ten minutes I think I’m going to kill you.” I said as Derek continued to tease my cock. He paused and looked up at me.  
“Are you sure?” and I heard the uncertainty in his voice. He’d been trying to take things slow with me because I’m a virgin but I’ve had things slow my whole life. I just wanted to get fucked right now.  
“Yes. Definitely yes.” I said. Derek hid his smile by kissing the head of my cock. He turned until he could reach his nightstand and pulled out a tube of lube.  
He lubed his fingers up and then leaned down to kiss me as he circled one finger around my hole. I moaned.  
I’ve fingered myself before but Derek’s fingers are a lot thicker than mine and he’s in a better position to do it. He brushed against that special bundle of nerves and I gasped. He sucked on my neck and I could feel him smile against my skin.  
He soon worked in a second and then third finger, each time brushing my prostate. “I’m not going to be able to last much longer if we keep doing this.” I told him and he nodded before slowly pulling his fingers out. I wanted to cry because it felt so good.  
He quickly lubed himself up and then he positioned himself at my entrance. We decided to forego a condom because he’s a werewolf who can’t catch diseases and I’m a virgin.  
He slid in slowly and I could feel him holding himself back. I guessed so he wouldn’t go to pound town on me. He was soon in me all the way and he held himself there for a few moments letting me get used to his size. I’d never had anything but my fingers up my ass but this was so much better.  
I finally got used to his size and I nodded at him to signal that he could start moving. He went slowly at first but when I began pushing back into him he began going faster and harder. And I knew I was going to be sore after but I couldn’t find it in myself to care.  
“You’re so tight, Stiles.” He said. Then he pulled me up his thighs and the angle changed and he hit my prostrate every time he thrusted in.  
I couldn’t help yelling out and then it was a constant stream of moans. “Oh, God, Derek. Please. Yes, yes, yes, yes.”  
I could feel his control slipping and I knew I was going to cum soon and Derek hadn’t touched my dick since he entered me. Derek seemed to read my mind because a few seconds later his hand was wrapped tightly around me and I was gone.  
I vaguely heard him groan over me and felt his hot cum splatter into me but it was all just background noise to me by then.  
I spiraled down slowly from the most intense orgasm of my life. Derek pulled out of me gently and I whimpered a little because I was still really sensitive. He laid next to me and we both caught our breath for a few minutes.  
“If I’d known how great that was going to be we would’ve been doing this a lot sooner.” I told him.  
He laughed and pulled me against him and even though we’re sweaty and I had cum on my stomach I snuggled closer and kissed his jaw.  
His fingers were tracing circles on my shoulder and it felt soothing. This was perfect and I was so glad I got to have it with Derek. I felt myself fall a little in love with him and how perfect he made everything, but I thought it was a little too early to tell him that just yet.  
I sighed and listened to his heart beating steadily. I felt my eyes getting heavy and then I was drifting to sleep. 

***

Derek was definitely avoiding me. And I know it was because we kissed. Yes, maybe we hadn’t always been exactly nice to each other, but he didn’t have to make it awkward like this. Maybe he thought it was a mistake.  
The last time I’d seen Derek he’d been filling up his Camaro with gas and when he’d seen me pulling in he’d quickly put the pump back and twisted the cap for his gas tank back on and peeled out of there.  
He couldn’t avoid me forever. I had to know if it was just a heat of the moment thing or if he was interested in taking this further. Whatever he wanted I just had to know.  
So that’s why I was currently sitting outside his apartment, getting the nerve up to go in. I was a little nervous because everyone and their dog knew that Derek Hale didn’t like talking about yucky things like feelings. But this had to be done, for my sake if not his.  
I got out of my Jeep and pocketed my keys. I knew Derek knew I was here. And I knew he was here because his Camaro was here. He could probably escape out a window and run into the woods but I’d just stay here until he got back.  
I pushed the buzzer for his apartment and there was a long pause before the door clicked open. I headed up the stairs to his apartment and soon I was standing in front of his door. I was nervous as hell and I was sure he could hear my heartbeat over my knocking and through the door.  
He opened it and he definitely didn’t seem pleased to see me. “Uh, hey.” I managed.  
He rolled his eyes and ushered me in. I stepped inside and then followed him to the couch. We stared at each other for a few moments. He looked blankly at me and I realized he wasn’t going to do me any favors.  
“Um, so about the kiss the other day…” I said, rubbing the back of my head.  
“Don’t worry about it. It was just the heat of the moment.” Derek replied. His voice didn’t give a clue to how he felt about any of this so I decided to take a leap of faith.  
“Well, what if I want to worry about it?” I asked him. He stiffened and I knew he was surprised. He stared at me like I’d suddenly grown two extra heads.  
“Or, you know, we could just forget all about this.” I said when the silence got really uncomfortable.  
No reply.  
“Okay, then. I’m just going to go.” I moved to get up and suddenly he’s there. One of his hands held onto my forearm and then he was dragging me in and sealing his mouth against mine. Definitely wasn’t expecting that.  
He pushed me down onto the couch and kissed me deeply. His tongue was in my mouth and his hands were all over me. Inside my head, I was freaking out. Derek Hale was kissing me and it was really good.  
When he pulled his mouth off mine I was panting, but I managed to get out. “This is serious right? Not just, like, a casual fuck or something?”  
“I don’t do casual.” He said and began sucking at my neck, hard. I almost came in my pants then.  
“I think you should go.” He said, pulling away a little. I could tell my eyes were wide and breath was still a little hard to come by. I was a little confused by his sudden change in demeanor.  
“Why?” I asked.  
“Because if you don’t I’m going to fuck you into this couch.” He said honestly. “And I want to take my time with you.” I started nodding and he let me up. I pulled my shirt down from where it’d ridden up.  
“Uh, see you later.” I said as I high tailed it out of there.  
When I got to my car I took a few moments to collect myself. I hadn’t expected things to go quite so well. 

***

I only remembered the mad rush through the school as whatever it was chased us. I vaguely remembered seeing the utility closet and flinging the door open and dragging Derek in with me. There was no lock on the door but as long as we stayed quiet the thing probably wouldn’t find us.  
The closet was really small and we both had pretty broad shoulders. I was pressed up almost completely against Derek. It was more than a little awkward.  
I was straining my ears to try and hear the monster when I felt his eyes on me. I looked up and our eyes locked. The closet suddenly seemed really hot and small.  
Derek’s eyes left mine and flicked down to my lips. And I realized Derek fucking Hale wanted to kiss me. I felt myself flush and licked my lips self-consciously.  
His eyes met mine again and he knew I knew he wanted to kiss me. He leaned down and his lips were on mine. They were soft and a little wet. I made a little noise and he pulled me closer. Kissed me a little deeper.  
Then he was gone and the door was hanging off its hinges and there was a horrible tearing noise. I stepped out of the closet and looked over to see Derek had the thing’s head detached from its body. I would’ve thrown up if it weren’t so sexy. 

***

The next time we saw each other we were not alone. And it hurt to see him. I could barely stand to look at him it hurt so much. I’d been crying on and off since I’d left his apartment. Derek could probably smell how upset I was but I didn’t care.  
We talked about our plan of action to capture this new beast of the month, and he looked like he was about to object when I volunteered to be used as bait, but then his face just went flat and I could tell he was trying not to react.  
I wanted him to talk to me, to say something, anything. I wished I could say something to him that wasn’t I miss you or I love you or I can’t live without you.  
I hated that things didn’t – couldn’t – work between us.  
When the meeting was over, Derek looked like he was going to say something to me and I felt so fucking hopeful for a second but then his eyes met mine and he turned away.  
“Come on, Stiles. Let’s go.” Lydia said gently and I wanted to cry, because Lydia being gentle is something that doesn’t happen unless something bad has happened.  
I nodded and I could feel this huge lump in my throat forming. Lydia guided me out of Derek’s apartment, away from his smell, away from the couch we made out on a million times, away from Derek. And then I was crying and it sounded awful like someone was dying and I knew he could hear me.  
Lydia led me to her car and helped me get in the backseat and then she held me.  
“I don’t think I can do this.” I said to her through my sobs.  
“You don’t have any other choice.” She said sadly.  
“How did you do it when you and Jackson…”  
“I realized that he was never going to come back for me. He moved on and so should I. It hurt a lot, for a long time, but now I’m better.” she said. The way she said it though made it sound like she still cried about Jackson.  
“He’s all I want, Lydia.”  
“I know.” She said and for some reason I was able to stop crying then.  
“Ok?” she asked, holding me by the shoulders.  
I nodded and wiped my face on my shirt even though that’s completely gross. “Ok.”  
She took me home and I stayed up all night hoping that he would come to me, but he never did. And that’s when I realized that it was truly over.


End file.
